Let it Go

In January, 2015, I put the following prompt up for potential guest bloggers:

Write about why you come to the studio, what happens in your class(s), what you ate for breakfast - whatever you want that you can tie in to the studio doings.

The In Their Words posts share the contributions of the women who answered that call, in their words, without edits.  Enjoy!

Let It Go by Rebecca Sturgeon

I danced today.  There was a time not too long ago when I wondered if that would ever happen again.  But a little over a year ago, I started taking bellydance classes at Hip Circle Studio, and discovered a love for this art form that has enriched my creative life.  

But the most profound thing is the love I discovered for something truly precious — my physical self.  I danced today and almost without thinking, my body made shapes and moving sculptures in the air that were lovely to look at.  I know — I have the video to prove it.  I danced today and when I watched the video to learn from it, I thought about the dance, not about how my belly looked or whether or not I had a muffin top in this outfit.  I danced today and I loved my bones and muscles for all things I have trained them to do.  I loved the length and space I could take up with my arms, and the smile I could see on my face.  I loved the heart that beat faster with every spin and jump.  

A while back, I spent time with Malik learning how to engage my glute muscles for hip shimmies.  We practiced for almost an hour — squeeze, release, squeeze release.  At one point Malik said something like, “The release is just as important as the squeeze.  You need to let go all the way.”  Later, I realized how much that little idea meant to everything.  

In this practice of dance and this learning, I could finally let go all the way.  I could let go of all the negative body image and self talk that kept me small and hiding.  And when I let go all the way, new things rushed in to lift me up.  I danced today and I let go all the way of the doubt that I was not good enough or trained enough or thin enough or pretty enough.  What rushed in was confidence, joy and some badass looking crossover turns.  

I danced today, I am going to dance tomorrow, and every day to follow for a very long time.  Every day I am looking forward to letting go, all the way, to see what rushes in.

Rebecca Sturgeon writes more about being a grown up woman in a strange new world at her blog,goingmapless.blogspot.com.