You Are Awesome, even in January

You are awesome.

Just the way you are.

You are awesome.

Here's the thing...until you lock into that idea (you are awesome) all the other stuff doesn't matter one stinking bit.  

Some things to consider instead...


...celebrate your successes, all of them, out loud.  Sharing the positive thoughts will help you feel good about the you YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.  We're doing this all year with our Achievealoutions Jars.

....compliment yourself for something at least once a day.  We do this after our brief improvisation exercise in all of our bellydance classes at the studio.  It feels good in the moment and sinks in over time.

...surround yourself with others who are (or are willing to be) happy with themselves and non-judgmental of the people around them.  Positivity is contagious - work that to your advantage!

Bottom line: let yourself be happy with yourself!  Yep - I'm giving you permission (not that you need my permission, but, you know, it's here for you all the same) to like you, right now, even though it's January and that apparently means it's time for us all to go on a self-loathing spree.  

I want you to be happy.  I want you to be healthy.  I want you to be well.  But most of all...

I want you to know that you're already awesome.

Nothing

I did something new this week.  Nothing.  For 43 minutes.  It was kinda awesome!
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I'm a Doer.  I prefer to DO things, all the time, in a lot of different ways.  I can sit quietly, but when I do I'm still Doing...reading, knitting, watching TV (rarely), something.

It wasn't intentional.  I set out to take the train downtown and had things to DO with me.  My phone, a magazine in my backpack, my ever-present to-do list - plenty to keep me busy for the ride from Howard to Harrison, but...
...my phone was low on battery so I didn't want to use it up with email, Facebook, music, or a game.
...I had a cup of coffee with me in my Brothers K travel mug that doesn't close so I didn't really have the hands free to navigate my magazine or to-do list.

So I sat.  I had my headphones in my ears so that muffled some of the ambient noise (tell me why, exactly, teenage girls are so LOUD?) a bit and made me feel like I'd created an imaginary force field around me.  I sat alone in my row for several stops, moving over to the window seat to allow someone else to sit down next to me when we got to the Fullerton stop.  43 minutes.

I looked out the window (did you know it's a "thing" to hang a sport's team flag on your back steps?)
I listened to my breath
I watched the people (oh, so much to see!)
I thought (but without direction/goal)

It was kinda awesome.

As a people, we're Doers for the most part.  We Do things at home, at work, on our way to and from - even our rest is often spent Doing things (like classes, right Hip Circle ladies?) which keeps us Doing almost all the time.  I know I Do a lot.  Run the studio.  Lead the Main Street Merchants.  Bellydance.  Teach classes.  Serve on committees. Live life as a Wife, Mom, Friend.  And there's more that I want to Do that I don't always seem to have time to get Done!  Sleep is a time when we don't DO, but how many people do you know with trouble letting go and falling into or staying in sleep?

I like Doing, but I'm pretty excited by this new-found ability to just be and look forward to my next opportunity.  Maybe after I slog through more of those to-do list items.  :-)  How about you?

Importance of Motherhood

I wear a lot of hats.  Business Owner, Dance Teacher, Fitness Instructor, Personal Trainer, Board President, Meetup Organizer, Women's Club member, Doula, Wife, Friend, Mom.  It's that last one that is most important and that seeps into everything I do.

I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  Once I learned that moms were where babies come from I was ready.  Really!  I'm not exactly sure where the strong pull came from, but it was a part of my consciousness all through my growing-up years.

When I found myself pregnant for the first time I threw myself into the roll, reading EVERY book I could get my hands on (I worked at a bookstore at the time - can you imagine?) to get ready for the baby.  I didn't focus so much on prepping for labor, but more-so for the task of parenting.  I was so excited about finally (finally, at the age of 21) getting to be a mom!

When Forest arrived I was hooked.  In love.  And 100% a Mom.  She was my everything, and my biggest concern was with keeping her safe and well.  We had bumps in the road along the way for sure, but I loved being a mom.  I worked full-time, juggled my way into a career, and navigated relationship ups and downs, all while being 100% a mom.

When we had Quinn four years later, I felt like I had a good grounding in the basics of motherhood, but he had new things for me to learn and practice.  I was able to improve on some things from the first time around (breastfeeding - 2nd time's a charm!) and had an interesting time juggling two kids having zero sibling experience.  I don't remember doing much more than working and moming when Quinn was small, but that was plenty.

Grey arrived as our third and final family addition three years later.  Being mom to three kids was QUITE a challenge, but we worked out the kinks fairly early on and I found my mom-legs again soon enough.  I added the most "other" things to my life after he was born.  When he was 1 I started doing doula support.  When he was 2 I started my own business in earnest.  When he was 3 I found bellydance.

Through all of these additions to my world, mom-ing stayed the most important "job".  I love my kids with all my heart and soul. I am thrilled to say that I like them, too!  Seeing them grow and flourish into solid individuals is awesome in the truest meaning of the word.

So what does it mean to me to be a mom?  I should have all sorts of flowery prose to explain that, right?  I don't.  I can only say that I AM a mom.  My kids come first in my mind.  My absolute most important task is doing what I can to help them grow up healthy, well, and safe.  I make decisions of all kinds with them in mind.

They probably don't realize how important they are to me, and how much I think about them every day.    That's ok.  I think that may be the way things are supposed to be.

Happy Mother's Day!

Feeling...beautiful

A few days ago my daughter shared this Dove video on my timeline.  You've probably already seen it since it's making the rounds on the internet this week.  I watched it, I liked it, and I've been thinking about it ever since.

Today, after having seen it posted by friends and friends-of-friends since Monday, I started seeing links to blog posts like this one, speaking out against the video.  I couldn't quite see what people saw in the video that made them so upset (I hadn't read the anti-posts, just saw that they were linked).

Now that I've read one of the posts I'm left with the feeling of confusion.  Why can't we take a "you're beautiful" message at face value?  Yes, I know it's an advertising campaign and that their goal is to sell more of their products.  Yes, I know that the company in question owns another company that has horrible ads that are not meant to make me feel all strong and powerful as a woman.

But, see, I *do* feel all strong and powerful as a woman, and soaps and such aren't going to take that away from me.  What I see when I watch that video is a reminder to cut myself some slack.  I see cause for a celebration if even one of the women highlighted in the video walked away from that experience feeling better about herself than when she walked in.  I see the start of discussions on self-esteem potentially happening in houses across the nation, hopefully many of them with young girls involved.

Speaking of girls, also on my wall this week have been several posts from A Mighty Girl, a recent discovery of mine.  Following this page on Facebook has led to several great discoveries and, in general, a very positive girl-power vibe emanating from my news feed each day.  I know we need to help girls see their self-worth and power in things that have nothing to do with their looks.  I know that we are, as women, so very much more than pretty faces or butts or breasts or whatever the focus might be at any given moment.  I know that we have a serious problem with the decline of girls self-esteem (did you know that self-esteem PEAKS at 9 years of age? ) and feel that the negativity of the adult women they encounter is a significant factor.

It is for all these reasons that I like what this ad campaign is bringing to the table.  We need people and the media to, even for a moment...even riddled with ulterior motives, tell us all that we're beautiful.  I was not bothered by the fact that the majority of the women featured were white (didn't even occur to me).  I didn't pick up on the subtleties implied by the descriptors being used (thin apparently appeared over and over).  I saw women discovering how hard and negative they were towards themselves, and seeing themselves through another's eyes.  I heard them say they were beautiful.

You Are Beautiful.  I Am Beautiful.  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Love Your Body?

Wednesday, October 17th was Love Your Body Day.  Did you know?  I did, thanks to a Facebook (and real life) friend Stephanie.  Seeing this got me thinking about myself, the studio, and the women who frequent our classes.  Do we love our bodies?  How do we show that?

I have struggled with self esteem issues for pretty much as long as I can remember.  I was one of the few "mixed" kids in school, so my hair didn't behave the same as my friends' which, at the time, left me feeling unattractive.  I was one of those "early developers" in middle school which, at the time, just left me feeling big.  I had issues with my knees and ankles which kept me from fully participating in sports and gym which, at the time, left me feeling galumphy and uncoordinated.  Not a pretty picture overall, huh?

I held on to all the yuck in my head and really let it get to me as I grew up.  Now, did any of that yuck keep me from finding a wonderful mate to share my life with?  Miraculously, no.  Did the yuck keep me from following a winding career path to where I've landed in my whodathunkit dream job?  No.  What the yuck has done is keep me from fully enjoying and trusting in myself and my accomplishments along the way.

Love Your Body...hmm.

I am pleased to say that, today, I have the best relationship with my body I've ever had.  I know that I'm strong, and fit, and I'm thankful for everything my body does for me on a daily basis.  It's not all sunshine and roses in my head, but I'm working on that.  I am also thrilled to see the positive body changes happening for the women at the studio.  Getting healthy and moving your body is, I think, the first step to a positive body relationship.  When women are coming to the studio looking forward to their 30 - 85 minute workouts I know good things are happening inside and out.

What I'm trying to promote at the studio isn't weight-loss though that often happens along the way, but health & wellness.  Love Your Body?  Yes, that's the goal.

How are YOU working towards Love Your Body status?  I'd love to hear (read) your thoughts!

Back To Reality

I know I'm finding this fall transition to be a bit stressful! I've got one child starting his first year of high school (stressful for him and us), 5 disparate schedules to juggle, and a business to run.  Yikes!  It feels like, even if you don't have kids, there's a certain heightened level of activity or tension in the air as this season kicks off, doesn't it?  When I get bogged down I notice a few things:

 

I don't eat as well

I want to sit when I can

I crave opportunities for slowness

 

Not the best recipe for a healthy life!  I'm busy, so I forget to pack a lunch or take time for a good breakfast.  I'm busy for so much of the day that when I have a moment I want to spend it sitting.  I'm busy and have so very much to work through in not quite enough time so, if I find a window of opportunity I want to spend it moving as slowly as possible.  Or at least I think I do. 

 

What I'm finding this year, amidst all the stress and busy, is that taking those precious free moments to do the opposite of my inclination makes me feel so very much better!  

Pack a lunch (10 minutes)

Do some yoga/dance for myself (30 minutes)

Go for a walk (20 minutes)

No one of these fixes take more than 30 minutes.  30 minutes.  We all have that much time to spare, no matter how busy we feel, to take care of ourselves.  So very much can be done (or not done, depending on your perspective) in half an hour!  

• We leave for school at 7:30 or 7:45 am depending on the before school activities on the books.  If I step (pull myself) away from the computer in the morning at 7:15 am I can pack up some food (almonds & raisins, 3 oz of turkey breast, and some goldfish crackers) and be able to stave off hunger until I return home with my boys from school at 4:45 pm.  
• I teach until noon and, as mentioned above, start the after-school driving circles at 3:30 pm.  That leaves me 3.5 solid hours of work time to burn through my to-do list.  If I go into a classroom at 2 pm and do 30 minutes of yoga or bellydance, I can come back to The List refreshed and ready to go at 2:30 pm and still have a good hour of (higher) productivity.
• My evening of teaching generally starts at around 6 pm, and at this time of year the sun is still up until about 7 pm.  Squeezing in a 30 minute walk before class (perhaps with the family) is a great way to get more a mile under my feet and clear my head before diving back into teaching.  If homework stress is high, this is good for everyone!

 It may be counter-intuitive in the moment, but taking the time to take care of ourselves in a healthy way has such a strong, beneficial impact on our day, our brain, and the people around us that it would be a shame to let those impulses of sitting, doing nothing, and eating yuck (or not eating at all) to take over.  

Busy is, as they say, a state of mind.  In choosing to reserve some time for intentionally un-busying ourselves we can fully transform that chaotic feeling into something calm and productive.  Try it, and tell me how it goes!

While working at the studio today, the idea of the "third space" came up in conversation.  The idea is that we all have two primary spaces, work and home, that get a lot of attention, but that there is another space that needs some play.  The Third Space is reserved for You - things that bring you joy, satisfaction, and fulfilment.  This is not to say that you can't find joy, satisfaction, and fulfilment in your work or home spaces, but that when you find them in your Third Space you get to experience them for yourself, without obligation or responsibility for anyone or anything else.

Interesting.

My Home Space is full and busy.  Husband, kids, and pets are the obvious inhabitants, but I think the Home Space can be broadened to include extended family, close friends, neighbors, and the communities formed at each of my kids' schools and our synagogue.  This space also holds obligations- cleaning, laundry, bill payment, homework management, and all the other glamourous aspects that happen at home.

My Work Space is, well, full and busy.  Studio visitors, doula clients, fellow practitioners, members of committees and groups, staff, and others fill the rolls here.  There are to-do lists, more bills to pay, associations to join, networking to do, things to clean, papers to file, classes to teach (and develop and market and manage), certifications to maintain, and new things to learn fill up any empty spots here.

So, the Third Space - what does it hold for me?  It is challenging for me to find things that exhist soley in this space.  You see, I have carefully created a work life that involves most of what I would imagine folks would put in their Third Space.  I love to knit, for example, but this dips into the Work Space since I teach knitting classes at the studio and host a monthly knitting meetup.  I love to dance, but I teach that at the studio, too - several times a week (sometimes several times a day).  I love working out (yes, I mean that), but get most of my workout time in at the studio.  What's left to put in my Third Space?  Watching TV with my husband?  I can't figure out a way to work that into my Work Space...  :-)

I think the Third Space, for me anyway, is all about intention.  If I pull out my knitting and decide that the time I'm taking to create something is time I'm giving to myself then that project - Poof! - happens in the Third Space.  If I turn my music on at home and start an impromptu improv set then that dance moment - Poof! - happens in the Third Space.  If I eke out 20 minutes to hide in the basement and work up a sweat with Wii Active then - Poof! - I'm working out in the Third Space.  What I am realizing, however, is that taking the time to develop that intention is challenging.  It is so easy to get caught up in the shuffle of the day-to-day stuff that *needs* to get done in the Home and Work Spaces that my Third Space (now that I know I have such a thing) gets neglected.  What makes this more interesting to me is that I think, for many of the folks who visit, I've created a Third Space destination with the studio.  If my business is to make space for people to find their Third Space, shouldn't I be sure to do the same for myself?  I don't ask folks to do workouts I don't do myself, I don't ask more from my dancers than I ask of myself, and I don't ask folks to give attention to their kids that I don't give my own, so why should this be any different?

I hope, now that my eyes have been opened to this Third Space idea, that I will be able to find the time and well, space, for some changes.  What do you see your three spaces made up of, and how do you carve out your Third Space?  Do you see your Third Space as a solitary place, or one you only enter in the company of friends?  If you neglect your Third Space what are the effects?

Share your answers or just ponder the questions for yourself.  :-)

Initial Thoughts

I have resisted the blog phenomenon for quite a while, so this, my first posting, is a significant event.  In preparation for creating this blog I was asked what my goals are in blogging.  As I am not a writer (which will become evident soon), this is a really good question.

I am blogging because I think I'm in the process of creating something really special at the studio, and I want to share that creation (both the process and the product) with people.  I want to further the community that is growing among the students at the studio.  I want to explore ideas that kick around in my head about body image, the quest for wellness, parenting, bellydance acceptance, exercise aversion, and more.  I want to share news about the variety of people who come to the studio and what they get out of the time they spend there.  I want to share photos and video.  I want a lot!

For these reasons, in addition to all the nudges I've had to start blogging, I begin.  We'll see where this takes me!