An amazing thing happened on Sunday. 12
women gathered together on the shore of Lake Michigan and, very quietly, did
something that just might change the world.
I called this photo shoot with a simple goal in mind – show
a group of women on the beach, in bathing suits, in public,. The only radical part of this idea was that
it was open to ALL women, regardless of shape or size or age or color.
The idea was born after reading this buzfeed article about agroup of women doing something similar in Miami. Their project involved mirroring models and
featured a variety of body types (the article women, there was very little
variety in the models they were mirroring).
The narrative bits moved me – the women sharing their stories of how
they felt doing the photo shoot. I
shared the article on the studio’s facebook page and innocently said “who’s up
for a photo shoot?”…the rest is history.
Our photo shoot was
different from the one in Miami. I
encouraged each brave woman to wear whatever bathing suit felt good to them,
and our wonderful photographer, Kerry Ben-Joseph of Kerramel Studios, directed each of us to pose
in positions that felt natural and comfortable.
Each woman’s story is shared below, and each is rich and
meaningful. Things to think about when
you’re looking at the images and reading their words…this group of women, not
all of whom knew each other before appearing at the beach, jumped into this
project with both feet on a moment’s notice.
They bared themselves, body and soul, to show the world what being
body-positive looks like.
I am hoping you see a little bit of yourself in this
project, and that you take our word for it…you are awesome, you are valued, and
not only can you rock your bathing suit this summer, but you can change the
world by doing so.
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Ashlee
What pulled you to come out for the
photo shoot?
I noticed on
Facebook that my friend Libby was going. I thought it was a great idea, so a
few friends and I decided to join her.
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"Don't allow anyone to dictate your perception of your own beauty. You control that and you should always think you're foxy."
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How did you feel during the day leading
up to the event?
Great - but
anxious. I decided to take an hour for myself.
How did you feel doing the group photos?
Comfortable.
Supported. Amazingly ok.
How did you feel doing the individual
photo?
A little more
nervous, but Malik convinced me to be brave.
Other Thoughts?
People say do
one thing each day that scares you. I agree now. Do it! You'll be glad you did.
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact
on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
I left
feeling confident, and ready to kick some metaphoric ass.
About Ashlee: 35, higher ed. I'm in the middle of
getting my weight under control, so this was a nice reminder of what I'm
working towards.
***
Charlotte
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
I thought it would be fun to take some cute pictures at the beach! I've been working out a lot lately and I am proud of my accomplishments.
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"I had a growing awareness that much of what the media tells you about how you should look and how I should just focus on feeling good about myself instead of consistently self- conscious."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?I wasn't thinking about the shoot much. I was looking forward to being on the beach with my friends from the studio.
How did you feel doing the group photos?I really felt positive but also self- conscious. I also felt daring and brave.
How did you feel doing the individual photo?I felt happy because I was loving the smiles on everyone's faces and I love being on the beach.
Other thoughts?I want to ditch my self-conscious thinking. I can tell I'm feeling nervous in some of the pictures and I can also tell seeing them now that there isn't anything to be nervous about! Also, I feel thankful to have found many positive friends and role models through my bellydance teacher, Malik.
What do you want to say to women out in the world?I want to tell the women of the world that the time to feel happy and treat yourself well is now.
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?Sometimes facing your fears are the best way to deal with those fears.
About Charlotte: I'm a newlywed in my 30's, lover of art, opera and culture and world traveler. I visited my 30th country last year. I work in Finance.
***
Donna
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
Honestly, my daughter - as self-conscious as I feel about being in a bathing suit, I am proud of being a mother. I may have stretch marks and jiggly parts but they're my marks of being a mother. I don't wear a bikini anymore, but mostly because what I do own that I wear are either one-piece or two-piece tankini/sport sets so I can chase my kids around the beach. I want my daughter to be active and not be afraid to wear a bathing suit.
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"I felt blended in - felt like I was part of the bigger picture! It was comfortable being with a group of beautiful women of all different shapes, colors and sizes, who were laughing and encouraging one another."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?
Nervous. I haven't seen a photo of me in a bathing suit (without some sort of coverup) in years so I didn't know what to expect. I'm usually the one behind a camera or if I'm in front of the camera, I have on some sort of shorts to cover me up!
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
Coming right off of the group picture, I was full of laughter and confidence! We had just jumped and I felt glowing coming out of that and ready to rock my bathing suit!
Other thoughts?
I may not look like your typical swimsuit model. I know that my swimsuit might even look more modest and cover more than what is 'sexy' but I'm an active mom who isn't afraid of donning something on to chase my kids around the beach. My swimsuit is more about the functionality of being an active mom than it is about being fashionable.
What do you want to say to women out in the world?
Be beautiful inside and outside. Function is more beautiful than fashion. Who is going to remember what kind of bathing suit you wore or whether or not they could see your stretch marks or jiggle?? For the moms - your kids will have memories of running around the beach, building sand castles, jumping into Lake Michigan or the pool together - those memories are beautiful and will last you and them a lifetime. Laughter is truly medicine for the soul. Laughing and shimmying with the women on the beach was enlightening and made a potentially awkward situation a wonderful experience! The laughter that I share with my children is the best reward of motherhood!
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
I was nervous going into the photo shoot. Probably because I'm facing some health issues right now that caused me to gain weight this past year and I'm not comfortable yet in my skin. As I mentioned before, I haven't seen me in a bathing suit in a photo in years (pre-motherhood!) so that made me nervous. I know that I have stretch marks and jiggly parts (although Pilates and Circuit are helping me own and tone my body!!) but those are my scars from motherhood that I wear with pride.
As I also mentioned above, my bathing suits are all about function - I will spend as much of my summer as possible with my children outdoors. Me in a bathing suit isn't going to stop them or me chasing after them. Therefore, I need a swim suit that will keep up with them and not slow me down because I need to readjust or retie a piece of it!
About Donna: 33 years young, full-time working at Northwestern University, part-time volunteer in so many different capacities (City of Evanston, Evanston AYSO, Chiaravalle Montessori, aKDPhi International Sorority), supportive spouse to a small business owner, Acu Design Health, and mother to two very active children (ages 6 and 3)
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Kathryn
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
I had friends attending and the ideas behind it go along with principles I've learned about in a group for people with unhealthy relationships with food.
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"There are people all over the place that want to be accepting and positive about our bodies. I think we need to take responsibility to snap ourselves out of "catty" moments when judging appearances. I personally need to step back and think "what does this *really* have to do with the person?" The answer is, not much."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?
Excited!
How did you feel doing the group photos?
Safe, party of the group
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
Still excited!
Other thoughts?
I'm really glad I did it. Being surrounded with that kind of good energy is always a good thing!
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
Yes. Next weekend I'm traveling to my family's cottage on Lake Huron where I'll spend time with my two sisters. There will be beach time and I always compare myself to their more slender bodies. I love having this experience in my pocket - I know it's possible to feel beautiful, accepted, and sexy in my suit! I have the power to recreate that kind of comfort with myself in any situation now. I just hope I get the gusto up to do it!
About Kathryn: Mid 20s, young professional, trained opera singer, struggles with being kind to herself with food
***
Libby
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
I've been wanting to do something like this for a while. I've recently been considering a boudoir shoot, even.
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"Since I started focusing on what my body can do as opposed to how my body looks, I've done 2 half marathons, 1 ten mile race, one marathon, one triathlon, and several 5ks and 8ks. I lift weights. I do yoga. I ballroom dance. I swim. I bike. I walk. I'm getting ready to start training to do field events like shot put, javelin, and hammer throw. I move my body publicly every day and I have no apologies to anyone for that."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?
Because I had to go to Wisconsin that morning for the USATF regional championships, I was a little worried all day that I wasn't going to make it back in time. And I knew my girls from VOX3 were expecting me to be there, since it was my idea!
How did you feel doing the group photos?
Like a member of the powerful tribe of womankind.
And then there was the nice man who was swimming at the beach during the photo shoot. He took our final photo for immediate posting. That forced me to remember that men of all sizes can be strong and beautiful, too!
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
I gotta be honest here. The individual one made me nervous. I was wearing a bikini, and that was the least clothing I'd ever intentionally worn for a photograph.
What thoughts do you have to share on the other side but before you’ve seen the pictures?
I wish I could say it didn't matter how the photos turn out, but I'm seriously nervous about them. And I'm not looking forward to the trolls commenting when they get posted on social media. I'm gonna try to ignore, but I'm very very bad at ignoring.
Other Thoughts?
Be nice to your body. It's the only place you have to live.
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
No. I'm pretty shameless. Trolls piss me off, but they only make me louder and more obnoxious.
About Libby: I'm 39 years old and I've been working out regularly (5-7 hours a week) for 6 years now. I lost and gained the same 100lbs three times in my adult life. I stopped dieting permanently about 2 years ago. I had a terrible relationship with movement and activity for most of my life.
***
Lindsey
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
Seeking solidarity in the re-claiming of the female body as my own.
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"I now understand I'm not the only woman with an "imperfect" midriff who wears a bikini. I feel much less isolated now. I feel like I'm making less of a statement, or more just being myself."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?
I will admit that even though I take on a stance of, "love your body no matter what" and "fuck societal beauty standards", I was a little nervous about actually being photographed as a person who is confident with themselves regardless of imperfections. I worried abut how tight my abs would look and needed to make sure I wouldn't be hairy. However, I was excited about having my picture taken.
How did you feel doing the group photos?
I felt good. I wish we touched each other more. We didn't all know each other well, but if I don't do something with my hands I start wanting to fidget with things which makes me more nervous. Also it was a bit chilly, so being closer would have made me a little warmer.
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
I felt great. I practiced in the mirror a few times before heading out, and looked at other pictures of me for reminders of how not to pose. Boobs and butt were on point.
What thoughts do you have to share on the other side but before you’ve seen the pictures?
The way we look is just that--the way we look. Regardless of how I feel about myself, everyone will have an opinion and many of them may be different from mine. So, looks are fleeting. That's small stuff. What matters is that I'm comfortable.
What do you want to say to women out in the world?
Just be comfortable and stop trying to follow the "rules". Make up your own based on what works for you. Eventually, everyone else will follow.
About Lindsey: 25, mother of 3 (including an 11 month old), Medical Education Coordinator
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Maike
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
The fact that Hip Circle Studio is body empowering and has shown that in many instances. I knew I would be in a supportive community regardless of how many strangers showed up.
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"Bellydancing has played a huge part in my own journey of body acceptance: getting to know your muscles and learning how to move in a graceful way and actually working WITH your curves rather than against them. Exercising as a whole helps me appreciate how well all my muscles work, even if they are tight. We get so preoccupied with looks that we fail to recognize our health, which is far more important."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?Trepidation. It was scheduled way sooner than I was ready for, but also in a super-busy weekend so I didn't have too much time to fret about it. I had a lot of mental back and forth on tankini vs. two-piece while figuring out what to wear. Since the point was to show someone who isn't in catalogues, I did the scary thing. Without having been part of the Hip Circle Community and being in its body-affirming classes I would have opted for the one-piece.
How did you feel doing the group photos?Awesome. It was great to have so many body types and a good age range represented. (I presume the range of attendees is mid-20s to mid-40s). I had to remember to not 'suck it in' because of the purposes of this photoshoot. It struck me how I automatically do contract my belly muscles for the camera, even when wearing dresses, and that it took mental effort to relax my belly when the camera was pointing at me.
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
I wasn't going to do it, but then everyone seemed to go for it so it was an empowering "peer pressure" situation. I'm glad she kept those to two takes to make sure we didn't get self-conscious. The sideline support was wonderful.
What thoughts do you have to share on the other side but before you’ve seen the pictures?I am not sure how ready I am to blog about this and am holding back on sharing the group photo already posted on HCS to my own Facebook following. I will have to pretend only the group who attended our shoot will be reading the blog to follow through on that part. I've grayscaled body photos of me in the past for these types of blog posts, so this is a push to go full-color with the group photo…
It is one thing to do a spur-of-the-moment shoot in a small community, another to post it for the world wide web to see in perpetuity. Weirdly I am totally fine with it being sharing all over as Hip Circle, but making it part of MY image is different in my head somehow. It's like knowing I have untagged photos of me on FB but as long as they don't show up on my own timeline that's one degree of separation.
I think part of that is that I have such a contrasty group of followers from ultra-conservative to open-minded. This shoot is kind of 'radical' when my FB persona is more 'neutral'. But a big mission of my post-corporate life is about leading a more authentic life, which means the blog post will definitely happen.
What do you want to say to women out in the world?My biggest motivator in doing this is to show that we all have our own beauty.
I know absolutely beautiful women who wish they were born with slimmer hips, a rounder tush, larger or smaller breasts. But when I look at these lovely ladies I see:
- the glow of their personalities
- their shiny hair
- a beautiful smile
- the sparkle in their eyes
- the graceful way they walk
- their intelligent insights
- their lovely vibrant outfits
Whatever “flaw” they consider themselves to have has no significance to our interaction.
No one who matters ever said: “I’d like you much better if you lost weight.” It’s really the media who do that (and sometimes one pesky person in your life whom you shouldn’t listen to anyway).
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
I realized my bathing suits are too small so I will be going to Kohl's! I think what was poignant yesterday evening is that we could see each others' thoughts in each other's eyes at the beginning. That awkward: "Everyone will look at me when I am in my bathing suit and stare at my flaws." Once the shoot started that evaporated and we all seemed more comfortable with each other and the situation.
Conditioning is hard to overcome though.
I also think every lady had a fabulous sense of fashion and wore lovely suits!
About Maike: Age 41 (42 as of August 22), artist and freelancer, no children/never had children (for a long time I had it in my head-based on conditioning-that it was only acceptable to have a round belly after a pregnancy which is a total myth for my body type), single.
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Malik
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
This was my idea! I saw the buzzfeed article and just threw it out there to the world via the studio's Facebook page. The ball started rolling and I went with it!
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"Even though I bare my belly for dance performances it was quite different doing so in a way that was un-related to being on stage. This felt way more vulnerable (and way better)."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?Good! I was super excited that a group of women was bold enough to join me. I did have to scramble to find a bathing suit, though - how awkward to discover I didn't have one!
How did you feel doing the group photos?AWESOME! There was for sure an element of "fake it til you make it" born of the responsibility I felt towards the other ladies. I knew that I needed to really bring it in terms of confidence and smiles, and that helped me not land in a self-conscious place.
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
Strong. Kerry was great at getting and keeping us in a good place. I just pointed myself at the camera and smiled!
What thoughts do you have to share on the other side but before you’ve seen the pictures?I am normally quite fearful of how I'm going to look on "film", but this time was different. The strong positive energy that was almost palpable at the photo shoot seems to be carrying me along. I'm looking forward to seeing the pictures - a definite first for me!
What do you want to say to women out in the world?So many things! Honestly - you are awesome. Your insides are awesome, your outsides are awesome - for real. Find a reason to remind yourself of that daily, and surround yourself with others who will do the same.
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
Well, now I have a bathing suit! I wore a Tankini for the shoot because that was what was available on the rack that fit. I have a strong desire to upgrade to a bikini and find reasons to wear it (I'm not really a big beach-goer).
About Malik: 43, going grey, mom to 3 kids who are all taller than her, small business owner, bellydancer, and all-around champion of women.
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Meghan
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
I've been trying to become more comfortable in my own skin, and this seemed like a great opportunity to challenge any beliefs I had about my body while in a supportive environment.
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"The thing I have to remind myself constantly, and what I think can help others: this body of mine does amazing things without my even thinking about it. I breathe, my heart beats, my digestive system turns food into energy. And then my body does what I ask of it: yoga, marathons, walking, belly dancing...its not right that I disparage my body when its able to do all of that!! I need to remember what amazing things my body can do!!"
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?
Nervous. I chose a suit that would let the group see my stomach, which is something I would normally never do. Thankfully, I had some great friends to keep me from getting too wrapped up in my own head.
How did you feel doing the group photos?
Safe. An amazing group of women surrounded me, how could I feel insecure?
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
Ha, not too terrible, but I've been really nervous since then about how that picture will turn out. The photoshoot itself was fun, so hopefully I'm able to remember that when I see the finished product.
What thoughts do you have to share on the other side but before you’ve seen the pictures?
This was definitely worth it, but I know for me the hard part will be not looking at the photos with a horribly critical eye, like I'm going to circle every flaw. I felt great during the shoot!!
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
Definitely. I was surprised how comfortable I felt!
About Meghan: age 32; Software support specialist by day, classically trained singer by night.
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Melissa
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
I grew up in a place that was all about beach bodies. I've heard people mutter. "ew, put a shirt on" to beach-goers that didn't conform to the narrow standards of beauty, and felt awkward as a teenager when my Irish skin wouldn't tan and I had some slight (probably self-perceived) pudge on my belly. I always felt judged when I wore a swimsuit and I've even refrained from swimming at my nieces' swim parties because I didn't want show off my ultra white legs with some cellulite spots. I came to the photo shoot because I've finally realized that every body is beach ready, and wanted to do something to share a body-positive message.
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"I don't have kids yet, but I admit that I thought of a future daughter when I decided to go, and hoped that she would learn to love herself earlier than I did. Being so self-critical does not make you happy, and neither does judging others."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?
Good, I was really happy this was organized. Walking to the event, I did kinda wish I'd had a drink beforehand though, heh.
How did you feel doing the group photos?
It was a lot of fun. I expected the vibe to be more awkward, but everyone seemed really confident and ready.
How did you feel doing the individual photo?
I didn't mind too much. I am always critical of myself in photos, so I thought this was a good chance to be more vulnerable than I usually am. A bathing suit clearly shows what you look like, and that's not a bad thing.
What thoughts do you have to share on the other side but before you’ve seen the pictures?
I feel proud that I participated! As I wait for the photos to come out, I half expect that I will think everyone else looks great but will find flaws in myself. I want to see these photos in the joy and confidence with which they were taken and will try to keep any negative thoughts out. Loving yourself is daily practice.
What do you want to say to women out in the world?
You are beautiful and life is too short to not go swimming!
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
Yes, I almost felt embarrassed that I wore a tankini instead of my bikini, which was definitely a first for me! I want to get something extra cute for this swim season.
About Melissa: I'm a science editor in my late twenties. I like cardio-boxing and ice cream :)
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Rebecca
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?I am trying to be true to my new life philosophy: Do the scary thing; do the thing that makes you feel most vulnerable.
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"Find the difference between reality and fiction in the things you tell yourself. And forgive yourself when you let the fiction take over for a minute. Your body does not need an apology. Ever."
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How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?Exhausted. (Day 4 of Tribal Rev!) Seriously, though, I wasn't really thinking about it except as a fun thing that could get some ladies laughing together on the beach.
How did you feel doing the group photos?It was odd -- everyone looked so beautiful and I kind of wanted to say that, but I was worried about how it would be taken. I think that was my own shit still hanging around. When people say things like that to me when I'm in a vulnerable place, often my first thought is: "Okay. What are you trying to get from me?" Messed. Up.
How did you feel doing the individual photo?That was awesome.
What thoughts do you have to share on the other side but before you’ve seen the pictures?This is such a simple thing. Go to the beach. Laugh with some friends. Take pictures because you're having a good time and want to remember it. All the body image/ideal shape/what you should look like stuff on top of it is fiction -- but like fiction, it's compelling and addictive. I'm really proud of us for breaking through all the layers that cover up the joy of it and just doing the thing.
What do you want to say to women out in the world? Find the difference between reality and fiction in the things you tell yourself. And forgive yourself when you let the fiction take over for a minute. Your body does not need an apology. Ever.
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?It made me wish we would get an actual summer so I can go sit on the beach more.
About Rebecca: Age 43, massage therapist, still having a hard time connecting the image of myself that's in my brain with what I actually look like. (I'm still really surprised when people say I'm "slim" or "slender." Those are words that have never been a part of my exterior, and I don't get how they fit in with how I see myself.)
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Kerry (our photographer)
What pulled you to come out for the photo shoot?
I really wanted to volunteer to photograph this shoot because I've been working on a personal photo essay called Beauty and Flaws: http://kerramel.tumblr.com/post/109996487285/flaws-and-beauty-photo-essay . Your photo shoot is for a cause that I truly believe in. Being a professional photographer with Photoshop retouching ability, I have had to turn down numerous opportunities because I've been asked to retouch images in an unrealistic way. Photoshop is really great, but it can be used for great harm in the hands of the wrong person. I don't want to contribute to mass media's unrealistic views of women; I would like to use my abilities to fight them.
How did you feel during the day leading up to the event?
I was excited!
How did you feel doing the photos?
It was easy for me to be behind the camera, but I wish I had more time to put everyone at ease. It seemed that most everyone felt good and comfortable, but I think with a bit more time, I could have helped the few women who were a tiny bit unsure to feel more confident. I hope everyone had a great time!
What do you want to say to women out in the world?
Beauty standards change often, but every woman is beautiful in her own way no matter what the current trend is. I just wish there were more celebrations of all types of women (like this photo shoot for example), rather than narrow-minded standards that are pushed upon us (that try to make us feel bad).
Did doing the photo shoot have an impact on how you feel about yourself/your summer bathing suit plans/or anything else?
Taking the photos and witnessing an empowered group of women comfortable enough to bare it all, was very empowering for me as the photographer! I hope that others who see the images and didn't get the opportunity to participate will feel the same way.
About Kerry: 30's, mixed-race, pregnant with first baby, photographer & graphic designer
